dO i kNoW yOu ?

i received a text message just this morning...

isa lang ang tumatakbo sa utak ko.. and kapal ng mukha mo! it was December 2006 when my cousin, Johannah, left our house and that ended my generosity, by choice.

i started working as a college professor in the year 1997 and that was also the time when i started sending my cousins to school. i could have felt more guilty if i did not for i was an advocate for education.

Rommel was the first in line. He enrolled at NDDU-MTTP as a machinist for one year but after he graduated, he got married.

Next, is Rona. She was with me since first year high school until college. She took up HRM at GSCIT but during her second year in college, i decided to send her back home to Negros Occidental because of attitudinal problems. Sad to say, Rona got pregnant twice and married a 'whatever' after having two kids.

Next, is Frenie. I had to help her become a working student at NDDU for us to survive financially. I already had two children by that time na parehong nagadede. On the last semester before graduation, she got pregnant but eventually, she really did finish her course, Computer Science, and settled down.

i had a few heart aches and resentments and the sacrifices i made were not that rewarding but still i said, one more time! it still feels good to help..

here comes johannah.. among the others, she was the worst. she haven't passed the exams for working students at NDDU but still i enrolled her. she took up Food Technology and her course was quite expensive because of so many baking and cooking sessions. She was supposed to graduate by March 2007 but by December 2006, she asked permission to go to Manila to visit her mother na namamasukan as katulong. i told her to wait for summer na lang. i needed her to stay because i'm giving birth to my third baby by January. we had no extra money and better yet, if they'll just save her fare for her sister's tuition fee. later, her mother called me up explaining why i should allow her daughter to have a grand vacation with her. i begged and made a bargain but she didn't give in. i was just shocked when she told my mother na inaalila daw namin ang anak niya. bakit kelangan pa nya akong siraan sa nanay ko? my mother knew me at siyempre, my parents knew the truth. to cut the story short, nag-away ang mga parents namin. and so, johannah left without saying a word. punyeta! kung hindi lang ako buntis that time, pupuntahan ko sila para pagsampalsampalin! yun ba ang kapalit sa lahat ng mga sakripisyo ko? it was very painful on my part kasi i carried a cross that's not mine but in the end, ako pa ang masama. natauhan ako at yun ang pinakamagandang ginawa ng pinsan ko. i realized that after all, i cannot dream dreams for other people. ang tanga ko talaga, ako at ang parents ko. we could have lived a better life and invest on other things.

walang hiya silang lahat! eldest ang mother ko among five siblings and ever since my world began, my parents are financially supporting them na. kahit nga yung para sa akin siguro napupunta pa sa kanila. may mga apo na ang parents ko pero parang mga linta pa rin sila. kung makahingi ng pera akala mo ay may pinatago sila. puchaks naman!

hayun at namatay na lang ang tatay ko. may naitulong ba sila sa amin? i've been to Negros several times and i have seen their lifestyle. super tamad! they end their days without doing anything. hinding hindi na ako babalik doon. to hell with you!

going back to the text message. my cousin, Johannah, is asking for her transcript of records from NDDU kasi mag-aapply daw siya sa MOA. kapalmuks jud.. haler! may utang pa siyang 6000+ sa school noh! when she left three years ago, dropped lahat ng subjects niya and i have just paid 5000 for enrollment na niloan ko pa sa paluwagan that time.

imagine? when i remember those times na nagkagulo ang pamilya namin, i become a monster. and that was the time when i said, "dili na jud ko mousab!" its time for me to paddle my own canoe..

and my reply to johannah's text message was : do i know you?