_when I was still in high school, I've been dreaming the same dream...and that same dream repeated more than three times already until college...in that dream, I was inside a coffin and in the wake, it was clearly written:
BORN: August 6, 1974
DIED : April 27, _______
_quite hard to explain and it tests my faith in Him...may Your will be done Oh God! So, to make this date meaningful, I made this day a start of a new life and as practiced, I list all my blessings and I do "self inventory"...this is also the day my mother and my husband fear so much...more than I do! But of course, ako din, for my three kids...and probably, this day is one of the days that my family prays so hard :)
...mysterious for me, but I believe that that dream has a purpose...maybe to remind me that I am not immortal; ...to tell me that I have to live life to the fullest; ...to cherish all things, people, places and experiences that I encounter; and to trust God in all things...i was never perfect and i will never be but i know His compassion and mercy will spare me from an "unhappy ending"...
...but i wish...not now, not yet...
Saturday, April 17, 2010
i Am nOt a cOmfOrT wOmaN (a repost)
One evening, I was inside the comfort room when my youngest daughter, Yzabelle, peeped inside and shouted “wow!” That is always her expression whenever she changes clothes, sees food on the table, sees her favorite cartoon characters, receives ‘pasalubong’ from anyone, sees her ‘kuya’ and ‘ate’ dance or hear them sing. This time, I was surprised. My baby appreciated my efforts! But, why do I love to clean comfort rooms? Even when I was still young, one of my favorite household chores is to clean our CR and I accepted that responsibility even when I was in college, in our dorm with three of my friends in the room. Maybe because, no one can clean the comfort room like I do. Let me share why…
I have noticed that most people don’t want that task. Of course! Come to think of it…Eeeeeeew! But why not me? Count me out! It is indeed so tiring and stressful to brush, to wipe, to wash, to touch, to scrape, to squeeze, to push hard, to pull, to bend, to kneel, to reach further, to crawl, and to see myself in the mirror with damped hair covering my sweaty face. Oftentimes, all of us want our services to be always compensated. Who doesn’t want to be rewarded? Who doesn’t want to be appreciated? Who doesn’t want to be noticed? Who doesn’t want to be given importance? We don’t want to sound hypocrite and simply say, “It’s okay!”
When I decided to teach, everybody were asking, “Why? You’re a licensed Civil Engineer! Sayang ka…” Others would say, “Mas okay na din kasi mahirap sa construction…mainit, nakakapagod, baka hindi mo makaya…” Honestly, I also didn’t know why… Twelve years in the academe was not a joke. That was my life…my career…my vocation! I don’t know if how much have I contributed to the community and how I influenced the lives of my students. There were times I was so enthusiastic, well-motivated, inspired, full of energy, oozing with confidence but there were also times I felt tired, felt lazy, depressed, stressed, felt bored, discouraged, abused, and frustrated. Mathematics was always the least-liked subject of most students and so, the teacher becomes the culprit of the failing grades…Teaching mathematics was always a challenge but even more to it, was how to teach students love the subject. Its like feeding someone with no appetite! One time, I was riding a tricycle at the back seat while listening to the conversation of the two students in the front seat talking about their teacher in Calculus and the difficulty of the subject. Inside my mind I said, “Luoya sa teacher oi…” When they went down the tricycle…OMG! Was it me the teacher they were talking about? They were my students and may I say, my favorite students? Sad to realize (reality bites!), they have the opposite feeling towards me and the subject.. There’s a turmoil in my mind… What’s wrong? What have I done? Is it my fault? Am I a failure? What will I do? My mind went blank…
I was in the mall one “pay day” to buy necessities for the house and for the whole family…I have a list of the needed grocery items (some crashed, those less important!) and I was determined to be really practical in buying. I was in the lane of toothpastes comparing the prizes, when I noticed a familiar face. I was busy with my calculator computing to see what brand has a lesser price and so, I wasn’t able to say “hi! (long time, no see…)” to that person. When I was waiting in the counter, I was looking at the grocery items the woman in front of me purchased… In my mind I said, “Wow! pringles, imported corned beef, sensodyne toothpaste, Baygon insecticide, and many more… ang mamahal nito! inggit ako, ang dami niyang pera!” Defending myself, I thought, mas practical lang ako no! Then, when the woman paid the cashier, she looked back and I was surprised again. Finally, I was able to say “Hi!” and then, silence…no reaction? I had mixed emotions that time… “Isn’t she the woman who borrowed P10,000 from me a year ago and promised to pay me with interest?” OMG! I shed tears loosing that big amount to that woman and now, she couldn’t even recognize me? I looked at the grocery items in my grocery cart, tsk! tsk! tsk! My senses switched off…
I hate seeing anybody banging the door. For me, it indicates that the person wants trouble. Though forgiven (not yet forgotten), I can still name the persons who did that to me several times. I hate to recall but one time, I remember one of the relatives of my family telling me, “pabayaan mo na, bunso kasi yan kaya suplada…” OMG! really? How about me? I’m the eldest and the youngest child in the family, I’m an only child! Does that also mean that it’s acceptable for me to be more suplada? I can’t believe it. I was speechless…
And now, going back to the start of the story…After cleaning the CR, I went out, wiped my hands dry and carried Yzabelle and kissed her on the cheeks. Then, as I looked at our housekeeper lying on the sofa, teary-eyed while watching “May Bukas Pa”, I smiled and said to myself…Life is a matter of perspective; its how we see things!
Many times, we feel so small and degraded by some people around us…its like cleaning the comfort rooms (not with their toothbrush, no! no! no!). So be it! If that would boost their confidence, make them feel superior, or simply make them feel comfortable, why not? Easier said than done! Yes, but its only in the beginning…So what if I am not the best teacher? So what if some people loves to make broken promises? So what if I choose not to be a ‘sosy’ spoiled brat (may K kaya ako noh!)? So what if I’m the one doing the job of the person I am paying? Let it be my choice then…
I am a College Professor, a licensed Civil Engineer, a graduate of Master’s Degree in Engineering, but my palms are rough not because of the chalk but because of the ‘cleaning detergents’… Nevertheless, that doesn’t make me less a person but rather, it lets me cherish deeply the very few people who makes me feel comfortable by “cleaning the comfort room” for me with their time, friendship, kindness, appreciation and unconditional love
I have noticed that most people don’t want that task. Of course! Come to think of it…Eeeeeeew! But why not me? Count me out! It is indeed so tiring and stressful to brush, to wipe, to wash, to touch, to scrape, to squeeze, to push hard, to pull, to bend, to kneel, to reach further, to crawl, and to see myself in the mirror with damped hair covering my sweaty face. Oftentimes, all of us want our services to be always compensated. Who doesn’t want to be rewarded? Who doesn’t want to be appreciated? Who doesn’t want to be noticed? Who doesn’t want to be given importance? We don’t want to sound hypocrite and simply say, “It’s okay!”
When I decided to teach, everybody were asking, “Why? You’re a licensed Civil Engineer! Sayang ka…” Others would say, “Mas okay na din kasi mahirap sa construction…mainit, nakakapagod, baka hindi mo makaya…” Honestly, I also didn’t know why… Twelve years in the academe was not a joke. That was my life…my career…my vocation! I don’t know if how much have I contributed to the community and how I influenced the lives of my students. There were times I was so enthusiastic, well-motivated, inspired, full of energy, oozing with confidence but there were also times I felt tired, felt lazy, depressed, stressed, felt bored, discouraged, abused, and frustrated. Mathematics was always the least-liked subject of most students and so, the teacher becomes the culprit of the failing grades…Teaching mathematics was always a challenge but even more to it, was how to teach students love the subject. Its like feeding someone with no appetite! One time, I was riding a tricycle at the back seat while listening to the conversation of the two students in the front seat talking about their teacher in Calculus and the difficulty of the subject. Inside my mind I said, “Luoya sa teacher oi…” When they went down the tricycle…OMG! Was it me the teacher they were talking about? They were my students and may I say, my favorite students? Sad to realize (reality bites!), they have the opposite feeling towards me and the subject.. There’s a turmoil in my mind… What’s wrong? What have I done? Is it my fault? Am I a failure? What will I do? My mind went blank…
I was in the mall one “pay day” to buy necessities for the house and for the whole family…I have a list of the needed grocery items (some crashed, those less important!) and I was determined to be really practical in buying. I was in the lane of toothpastes comparing the prizes, when I noticed a familiar face. I was busy with my calculator computing to see what brand has a lesser price and so, I wasn’t able to say “hi! (long time, no see…)” to that person. When I was waiting in the counter, I was looking at the grocery items the woman in front of me purchased… In my mind I said, “Wow! pringles, imported corned beef, sensodyne toothpaste, Baygon insecticide, and many more… ang mamahal nito! inggit ako, ang dami niyang pera!” Defending myself, I thought, mas practical lang ako no! Then, when the woman paid the cashier, she looked back and I was surprised again. Finally, I was able to say “Hi!” and then, silence…no reaction? I had mixed emotions that time… “Isn’t she the woman who borrowed P10,000 from me a year ago and promised to pay me with interest?” OMG! I shed tears loosing that big amount to that woman and now, she couldn’t even recognize me? I looked at the grocery items in my grocery cart, tsk! tsk! tsk! My senses switched off…
I hate seeing anybody banging the door. For me, it indicates that the person wants trouble. Though forgiven (not yet forgotten), I can still name the persons who did that to me several times. I hate to recall but one time, I remember one of the relatives of my family telling me, “pabayaan mo na, bunso kasi yan kaya suplada…” OMG! really? How about me? I’m the eldest and the youngest child in the family, I’m an only child! Does that also mean that it’s acceptable for me to be more suplada? I can’t believe it. I was speechless…
And now, going back to the start of the story…After cleaning the CR, I went out, wiped my hands dry and carried Yzabelle and kissed her on the cheeks. Then, as I looked at our housekeeper lying on the sofa, teary-eyed while watching “May Bukas Pa”, I smiled and said to myself…Life is a matter of perspective; its how we see things!
Many times, we feel so small and degraded by some people around us…its like cleaning the comfort rooms (not with their toothbrush, no! no! no!). So be it! If that would boost their confidence, make them feel superior, or simply make them feel comfortable, why not? Easier said than done! Yes, but its only in the beginning…So what if I am not the best teacher? So what if some people loves to make broken promises? So what if I choose not to be a ‘sosy’ spoiled brat (may K kaya ako noh!)? So what if I’m the one doing the job of the person I am paying? Let it be my choice then…
I am a College Professor, a licensed Civil Engineer, a graduate of Master’s Degree in Engineering, but my palms are rough not because of the chalk but because of the ‘cleaning detergents’… Nevertheless, that doesn’t make me less a person but rather, it lets me cherish deeply the very few people who makes me feel comfortable by “cleaning the comfort room” for me with their time, friendship, kindness, appreciation and unconditional love
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