STORIES, IDEAS, OPINIONS, and EXPERIENCES
of an ENGINEER by profession,
a PROFESSOR by training,
a LEARNER by choice,
a MOTHER by vocation, and
a WRITER by circumstance..
most of the time, i plan things. i am not an avid fan of serendipity coz i usually tell myself to always prepare ahead. i haven't won a lucky sperm contest and came into this world as a bonggaciously endowed trust-fund baby. char! in fact, i was born with a rusty spoon..ngek! i always wanted my life to be organized and predictable. in short, i haven't played with fire, hahaha.. how i envy those individuals who seemed to be obviously free from such bondage. i am afraid of failures but it doesn't mean i haven't experienced them. i have been through the ups and downs of the journey. three and a half decades of living and dying many times made me rich in experience and unforgettable lessons too.
i am like any fruit that haven't ripen yet. i am still learning the 'hows and whys' despite my age. i am a student of life and will always be. i fear rejection and i need acceptance. that's why i value dearly those who made me feel special. the world is not always logical and so i am forced to deal with what is, not just what should be.. this is reality for me, not a mystery but a fact.
October 2 – It was raining when I left IliganCity. As I sat in the terminal waiting for MV San Paolo of Negros Navigation Corp., I feel so uncomfortable watching the other passengers murmuring and complaining impatiently because the vessel arrived 6 hours delayed because of typhoon Ondoy.
The trip was quite boring because I don’t speak and understand Maranao but the mixed feeling of fear and excitement governed. I choose not to think of the negative side. It’s just like I’m listening to a song I’ve never heard and I don’t care…
I didn’t even listen to Popsy’s suggestion to cancel and reschedule my trip. He was more nervous than me. I was warned because typhoon Pepeng is coming but I pursued my plans. I was so obedient since birth until that time..*sorry popsy*
I have a few missions to accomplish in Cebu: my transaction with the DPWH and Kajima Corporation at 1pm on October 5 regarding my Term Paper (Segment 3B-2, SUBWAY Section), to visit, attend mass, and light a candle at the Sto. Nino Shrine, and of course! to take a break from the humdrums of my life in school.
October 3 - My first night in Cebu was memorable. I was welcomed by the CE reviewees with a barbecue, kilawin and empecascent, hahaha! (in fairness, di ako unang natulog ha..) The dinner was so delightful, enough for me to forget the discomforts I encountered in the loooooong 21-hour snail-like trip. We slept at 3 am…ZZZzzzz…*hay, maulit pa kaya yun? How I wish…*
October 4 – I had a beauty rest and a chitchat with the CE reviewees. We attended an afternoon mass at the Sto. Nino Shrine and had a dinner at Wow Chicken *mapapaWow ka talaga dun!*
October 5 – I got lost on my way to the DPWH…pakshet! I thought the office is at Pier 3 but they had transferred na pala…thanks to Engr. Evelyn Mansueto for guiding me. Finally, I was able to find Crown Asia Bldg. which was located at the back of CokaliongTowers..
Ang swerte nga naman o, that day was the birthday of Engr. Nilo Pamaylaon, the DPWH Director…well, food trip syempre! mmm…
I was then accompanied by Engr. Raul Lucero to Kajima Corporation for a brief orientation regarding the construction project and there I met the young and energetic Engr. Paolo Cruz..
The Cebu Subway is one of kind. I was brought to the site by Sir Raul and Sir Paolo with a comfy ride in a Toyota Innova. It was so hot that afternoon but I enjoyed walking under the sun while observing the ongoing construction. I climbed the steep stairs and walked my way through the horizontal beams…I just loved it! That day was so fulfilling. (as if I could go home na anytime!)
October 6 – I went to the the AyalaCenter and SM City. I watched the movie “In My Life”. Pastilan! I was shocked how Luis died…but truly, the movie was great. We had dinner at Jo’s Manokan in Lahug and then afterwards, we strolled at the IT Park..(sayang lang kasi di namin dala yung digicam)
October 7 – I went back to SM City, bought a book at the National Bookstore and a pillowcase for my hotdog pillow…
October 8 – its parting time…my scheduled departure is 12:30 am the next day and to maximize my stay, we strolled at SM and then, we watched movie “G-Force” *Gina Force* till 11.30 pm..
@ midnight, we were already at the pier but then, MV San Paolo hasn’t arrived yet.. so, we went to a 24-hours Jollibee fast food and stayed there till 2:30 am…wew! Salamat sa nagtiyagang ihatid at samahan ako till the last minute *HATS OFF..*
October 9 – MV San Paolo finally arrived at 4:30 am... (sailing…I’m sailing home…With Christ in my vessel, I can sail at the storm…)
We arrived in IliganCity at 6pm.. there was a bad news! May namatay daw na pasahero and we all need to be quarantined…my goodness! (dumating pa talaga ang P ko…)
After an hour, it was discovered that the passenger died from heart attack..at yun, pinababa kami ng barko…(si Lord talaga mapagbiro…)
My sojourn in Cebu is through and my mission is accomplished. To God be the glory!
When I was about to sleep that night, I was wondering if may naiwan ako sa Cebu.
Meron nga ba? Hhhhmmm, meron nga…pero sa akin na lang yun, hahaha.. *the rest is history*
There’s always a first time! I am not used to do everything that I want. My decisions are usually anchored on so many things. In my desire to be at peace with anyone, I always give in even if I need to do sacrifices. But now, I’ve changed…and I felt better! This is my life and I will live it in a way I want. My trip to Cebu has a few secret agenda. I know I made the right decision and I promise to myself, there will be a second time…
its a fact that winners in this game of life know the rules, have a plan and their efficiency is comparatively exponential to those who don't. as of the moment, i'm having a fistfight with my very self. i sense problems around me, big and small... and it explains those sleepless nights and those rumbling stomach that i often experience (not because i'm hungry huh). this is life! and i feel it...i just don't wanna exist with a goal of just getting from one day to the next. i want to live and taste the rewards of the game. the world around me is like an unguided missile with more speed than control and i must deal with it. i don't want to be just a statistic. i want to be a part of the history.
perhaps, i arrived at the crossroads of my journey and i don't need a vote to prove that. i am beating my head against the wall contemplating on the many lapses i had but i know its not yet too late. life must not be a trial and error anymore or else, i'll be wasting so much time. i paid attention to the many things around me and i now belong to the 'informed minority'. i am now aware and this will be a new beginning. many times in my life, i had good chances to shut up and listen but it was during those times when i learned a lot. i've realized that the hardest part in learning something new is unlearning the old way of doing it. knowledge is power and i don't want to be an idiot with fancy degrees. since life is a journey, i must have a map, a timetable and a plan. wish me luck!
victory can be snatched from any disaster but it requires extra effort. i'll always pray to God but i must also row for the shore. not every day is a great day but as long as i live, i'll strive to be a winner just as i was born.
As I write this now, anger and hatred dominates my whole being. I don’t usually get angry, it’s very very seldom…but now, my heart beats like a drum…bull’s shit! What have I done? I feel like I’m worth a centavo…I just simply hate myself!!! If I have only have an extra life, I wanna die right now, right here…but why? I can’t remember feeling this way before…Life is a battle and I fear I’m loosing…I have to sleep, I’d better sleep…Please leave me alone!
I’M BACK and I’VE LEARNED…
It’s been more than 48 hours after a bad day…hahaha! I feel better now…how crazy I was to think of foolish things! I’m a fighter and I’ll never let anyone make me feel inferior. I stumbled, fell and crashed but I survived. I’m living a new life now. I’m stronger. I don’t hate anybody, it’s not in my vocabulary…perhaps it was my fault. Anything that is too much is harmful - to the mind, body and spirit…God loves me so much and I realized how blessed I am. Maybe I need to feel that awkward loneliness and helplessness just to assess my self-worth. I’m PRICELESS! Yeah, I’m priceless and I feel good, or shall I say : better!
I thought I’d be hopeless. I was wrong. I’m just too sensitive. But I can’t change that with just one click, tsk! (in God’s time maybe…) I believe there’s nothing wrong with that. There are just some people I am not compatible with. It’s a reality and I have to face it. I was not born to satisfy everyone and so, are they. If it’s not meant to be, it will never be…I found myself again – the hopeful ‘ME’…
..we all make mistakes…in fact, if i had a peso for every mistake I’ve made in my life, I’d be able to single-handedly pay off the country’s debt!
I knew that nobody’s perfect but knowing that fact is not as significant as accepting and forgiving ourselves. I owe this positive outlook to those friends who thought that I was a good egg even though they know that I was slightly cracked… God has been so really good to me. He healed my broken heart after I gave Him all the pieces and even if its quite late, so it seems, I have gone out of my shell, see the beautiful world around me, and reach out to others…I was always a late bloomer! We all deserve a second chance… At a certain point in my life, I have never felt so lonely until I realized that I’m missing a lot of things. I’ve eaten all the food laid on my ‘table of life’ but I haven’t savored the taste of each menu. But…how could I be lonely with the exploding population around me? Ahhh…it must have been the ‘path’ I have chosen…I believe I’ve chosen a good path but maybe, I was half asleep during the trip.
Midlife Crisis? Could be…but I have to move on. God gives burdens, and also shoulders…I used to look for a towel or a handkerchief, beat my bed, or scream until tears flow like waterfalls, hehe!, every time I feel bad… but this was long before I realized that I am not alone in this awfully wide world…
All we need is TO GIVE WHAT WE WANT…respect, friendship, happiness, thoughtfulness, time and love…unconditionally!!! Let us not be lousy…we have to live life to the ‘foolest’, take risks and soar higher… and we’ll soon find out that we can do more, do better and be the best that we can be!
