mood swings

September 21, 2009 (Iligan City)

GET OFF ME!

As I write this now, anger and hatred dominates my whole being. I don’t usually get angry, it’s very very seldom…but now, my heart beats like a drum…bull’s shit! What have I done? I feel like I’m worth a centavo…I just simply hate myself!!! If I have only have an extra life, I wanna die right now, right here…but why? I can’t remember feeling this way before…Life is a battle and I fear I’m loosing…I have to sleep, I’d better sleep…Please leave me alone!

I’M BACK and I’VE LEARNED…

It’s been more than 48 hours after a bad day…hahaha! I feel better now…how crazy I was to think of foolish things! I’m a fighter and I’ll never let anyone make me feel inferior. I stumbled, fell and crashed but I survived. I’m living a new life now. I’m stronger. I don’t hate anybody, it’s not in my vocabulary…perhaps it was my fault. Anything that is too much is harmful - to the mind, body and spirit…God loves me so much and I realized how blessed I am. Maybe I need to feel that awkward loneliness and helplessness just to assess my self-worth. I’m PRICELESS! Yeah, I’m priceless and I feel good, or shall I say : better!

I thought I’d be hopeless. I was wrong. I’m just too sensitive. But I can’t change that with just one click, tsk! (in God’s time maybe…) I believe there’s nothing wrong with that. There are just some people I am not compatible with. It’s a reality and I have to face it. I was not born to satisfy everyone and so, are they. If it’s not meant to be, it will never be…I found myself again – the hopeful ‘ME’…