a reason to live

2009: everybody's dying! my grandmother, my father, my nephew, my grandfather, one of my friends from high school, three from my neighborhood...and i was grieving. my heart breaks thinking of that big loss.

life has to go on..i've known and heard this adage many times but the question is: HOW?

i never yearned to become rich until the time when my beloved father died from renal failure. it was then that i realized that only the rich people have the right to become sick. i felt so small thinking that cadavers can't be checked out without paying the hospital in full or least, have a guarantor to stand before the claimants. i was bursting in tears seeing my father's body wrapped in white cloth, waiting to be picked up by the time i could find a way... i didn't know how. i am an only child and our relatives are miles away from where we live. it pains me seeing my mother crying on her knees not knowing what to do. i have never felt that agony before and i hated it so much.

i promised myself to be strong. sympathies from friends are helpful but the drive to stay and look calm must come from within me. God has been always with us and prayer was my only weapon. 2009 was a year worth reflecting but i'm not sure if its worth remembering..

right now, i'm pushing my whole being to move on! slow as it might be but i'm hopeful.. this is LIFE! this is a gift- *supposed to be* a priceless opportunity and it must be ended beautifully in His time.

i have countless reasons to live: my mother, my husband, my kids, my friends, my job, my students, the lessons in life that i need to learn, the experiences that i deserve to undergo, and the endless blessings that is yet to come.

i now have a clearer picture of the things that really matters to me.. outlooks will be changed, directions will be detoured, plans will be redirected.. but still, let His will be done.

time heals and as long as there are stars in the skies, there will always be faith, hope and love in my heart.