alone again...

january 21, 2010
9:24 pm

i am now in agora terminal here in cagayan de oro sitting in one corner with my pen and notebook. i am waiting for the next bus bound for davao city. i will be waiting for an hour or two coz the bus in 10 pm sked is already full. the rain is pouring and i feel so cold. i am wearing a shirt, a jacket, a jogging pants and slippers. my stomach is rumbling but i can't leave my bulky things to buy some food. i feel sleepy. i see many passengers crouching under anything that provides shelter. too bad the terminal is still under renovation. i can't think of anything better. the discomfort i feel is killing me but i am left with no choice. i texted some friends but their replies connotes an end of a conversation. i feel so alone.

life is indeed full of battles... against people, against nature, against our own actions and even against our own self. oftentimes, we loose because of an unguarded decision, lack of preparedness and hopelessness. i am thankful for the 'not so good' experiences like this because it keeps my feet on the ground. i remember those glorious days inside the classroom when i was the queen, where mostly everyone listens and follows my instruction. i am a teacher and i govern all my classes but here in the outside world where nobody knows me, i am nothing.

i remember exactly the same feeling when i am on a plane. as i peep down below and see the miniature of everything, i realize how small i am. small but special of course. i'd like to believe that my existence is a big deal for those people i know, i love and i care. it doesn't matter if i get back what i give. what's important is i always choose to be happy and earn good lessons from bad experiences.

nothingness in a good sense makes me feel more worthy of His blessings. God knows whats best for me. i want to live a more meaningful life as a traveler, as a teacher, as a student, as a mother, as a daughter, as a wife and as a friend.. in my own little world.