LaMaNG Ka NGa Ba?

kung MAS maaga ka?

aba siyempre! sobrang nakakastress kaya kapag naghahabol ng oras at nakakaloka yung may makita tayong kapalpakan or meron tayong nakalimutan taz wala nang oras. tayong mga Pilipino ay kilala sa pagiging huli, pero hindi naman lahat. suma total, mas okay pa rin yung nauuna tayo lagi.

HaLiMBaWA: 
sa mga programs - makakapili pa tayo ng mga upuang mas kumportable..

sa klase - may panahon pa tayong mangopya, este! mareview yung ating mga assignments..

sa simbahan - makakaupo tayo dun sa kung saan nasisilayan yung ngiti ni Padre, ay! yung naririning pala ng maayos yung sermon niya..

sa mall - siguradong hindi pa mahaba ang pila sa cashier kaya mas may oras pa tayong maglamyerda..

sa kusina - may oras pa tayong hanapin yung atay ng manok dun sa kaserola or yung cherry sa fruit salad..

sa mga party - makakaupo tayo dun sa kung saan malapit ang lechon..

sa mga meetings - we can find a seat sa likuran, yung di mahalata yung pagsibat natin ng maaga..

kung MAS maingay ka?

excuse meh! nasa tamang lugar ba? nasa tamang oras ba? sino ba ang kausap natin? bingi ba sila? or close ba kayo? konting ingat, kasi karaniwan sa atin naiirita sa mga maiingay. madalas, mahilig tayong magkwento sa madlang people pero we have to make sure na kasali yung audience natin, yung tipong nakakarelate sila para naman may audience impact.

HaLiMBaWA:
sa klase - pag nauna si sir or si ma'am sa pagkwento at sa pagjoke, naku dapat react to the max!

sa bus - investigate muna.. dapat walang natutulog or else, ipapakulam ka ng ibang mga pasahero..

sa restaurant - don't speak when your mouth is full <<< this is the only rule..

sa seminar - speaker ka ba? kung hindi, mahiya ka naman.. hahaha!

sa CR - sige, magtalak hangga't gusto but cover your mouth while speaking..

sa sinehan - kung ayaw mo ng sakit sa katawan, behave ka na lang..

kung MAS mayabang ka?

depende! basta ba't nagsasabi ka ng totoo, why not? bakit, ipinagbabawal ba ng batas? sa panahon ngayon, kelengan din nating magyabang paminsanminsan basta huwag lang sobra at baka magsiliparan na lahat sa sobrang hangin. kumbaga, ilagay sa lugar. sa dami ng social networks ngayon, naku! we can promote ourselves anytime, ika nga, di vah?

HaLiMBaWa:
sa harap ng crush mo - grab the opportunity.. hala, carry your bench! but screen your words and check your grammar na din..

sa harap ng mga mayayabang - GO! gamitin mo lahat ng energy mo. umasta kang taga ibang planeta at siguradong awardee ka agad.. hehehe! ang mayabang galit sa kapwa mayabang..

sa work place - magyabang ka naman minsan. tahimik ka nga, nagngingitngit ka naman sa galit kasi nalamangan ka. talo ka na nga, masakit pa dibdib mo. at kapag nakahanap ka ng kasabwat, lalaitin nyo yung kasama nyong nagyabang. weh! di masamang mainggit. next time, eh di kayo naman magyabang..

sa mga magulang mo - di na kelangan. kung may nakakaalam man ng kaledad mo, sila yun..

sa asawa't mga anak mo - aba, dapat lang. sila ang pinakasolid na fan's club mo at sila din ang makapagpatunay na karapatdapat kang ipagmayabang.

ang dyahe lang naman sa pagmamayabang ay yung 'self-proclamation'.. but still, it always go back to the rule - boast MODERATELY..

kung MAS mayaman ka?

sus! it's just a way of thinking.. richness is a feeling lang naman eh.. we can be rich in so many things - friendships, family, career, experiences, financially and all..

yung yamang pinansyal di kelangang irampa yan at baka mahold-up or makidnap tayo. hala!

The way we project ourselves is a very important factor. the question is : ANO YUNG GUSTO NATING TINGIN NG IBANG TAO SA ATIN?

paano ba tayo manamit?
subukan nga nating pumunta sa mall na naka 'faded' duster at naka 'dirty' tsinelas.. baka sa guard pa lang, harangan na tayo.. and for sure, walang sales representative ang lalapit. kahit bibili pa tayo ng sampung fitflops, it'll  still be self-service.

o di kaya magsimbang naka mini-skirt, nakasleeveless and with plunging necklines.. if we want publicity, hala sige! di naman bawal eh, but it's just like having sex at the grocery section - hindi bawal pero walang gumagawa..

appropriateness lang ang susi..

paano ba tayo magsalita?
may sense ba? nasa tamang oras ba? think and rethink kung kinakelangan..



layp is wat we meyk it and we are held responsible for all our actions.. we bring our own name, bear our own face, carry our own body, and nourish our own soul..
(//_^)

aFTeR mORe tHaN THRee DeCAdEs oF eXisTenCe..

_giNggiNg_ @ 12..

dreams of having a baby brother..
wishes to grow taller..

loves biking..
enjoys singing..
likes dancing..
excels in declamations and speeches..

hates lighting a match..
fears lightning and thunder..
avoids crossing busy streets..

a cartoon-addict.. SMURFS and Care Bears!

_GiNa_ @16

dreams of becoming a nurse..
wishes to gain weight and grow taller..

loves singing..
enjoys reading pocketbooks..
likes mathematics..
excels in music..



hates washing clothes..
fears cooking oil while frying..
can't avoid television shows.. 

refrains from falling in love!

_giN_ @ 18

dreams of becoming a licensed civil engineer..
wishes to drive her own car someday..

loves to sleep..
enjoys Mathematics..
likes video games.. super mario and pacman!
excels in class,  NDDU academic scholar, DARBCI scholar and consistent dean's lister..

hates Mondays..
fears Popsy.. (kasi may BF na kahit bawal)


believes in "STUDIES FIRST, LOVE LAST".

_giNa_ @ 21

Engr. Gina B. Andas..

first job as a teacher @ NDDU and
receives her first ever salary.. 


dreams of traveling into different places..
enjoys teaching..
loves stuffed toys, chocolates and flowers..
wishes to become a superhero..

many things has changed..
but there are some that did not or maybe, never..

i still fear thunder and lightning..
i still love singing..
i still love chocolates and stuffed toys..
i still hate crossing busy streets..
i still dream of traveling in different places..
and i still wish to become a superhero someday!





(//_^)

oUr FiRst P.M.A.P. ExPeRiEnCE..

A New Horizon – the general theme of the 47^th PMAP Annual Conference suggests a renewal or a change that would improve or add value to an organization’s asset.

      Personally, I am an advocate for CHANGE. I believe this is one of the ways for our country to improve and grow. However, change can be towards the better or the other way around. The PMAP Annual Conference 2010 aims to reach ‘a new horizon’ and so, the topics in the different concurrent sessions were in line with this theme.

      Our first PMAP experience taught me five things. First, INNOVATION is a must. If we want to stay on top, we must embrace innovation. Competition is very stiff nowadays in the aspect of sales and marketing. In fact, competition is everywhere. Why do we, ladies, need to maintain our beauty and composure? Why do we, teachers, need to find new strategies and try different teaching methods in the classroom? Why do Manny Pacquiao, needs to practice boxing and undergo trainings despite the fact that he’s already on top? Just the same as why managers need to be good leaders at the same time. Whenever there is competition, we also need to level up. This is a challenge for all of us who are born champions. There is more to discover and accomplish every moment. We just need to be more observant and creative applying those knowledge and wisdom we saw and gained through experience.

      Second, we must strive for PERSONAL EXCELLENCE. We don’t have to run after success. We just have to be the best in whatever we love to do and eventually, success will be running after us. Management by Ownership (MBO) contributes to the agenda on personal excellence. Live it first.. Walk the talk.. Teach by example.. – these statements sum it all. As Wilhelmina Gonzales quoted, “True happiness comes from doing the things we love the most”. Servant Leadership is an ideal practice. This focuses on helping ourselves by helping others. Our efforts might not be well compensated at first but then, the priceless feeling of fulfilment pays it all.

      Third, inaction is not an option. We always have a choice. When we choose to give up or stop, then we fail. I have read long before that no one is seen to be useless in this earth because he or she can still be used as a bad example. For me, they are those who see inaction as an option. Dr. Benito Teehankee’s talk, Magsimula Tayo, mentioned the fatalistic behaviours of Filipinos. Though if seen on the brighter side, it seems like our faith in God is strong but when associated with laziness, it is seen as a hopeless case. We have to see things in a different perspective and we must cling to the fact that there is that something just waiting to be done.

      Fourth, there are no difficult people, only difficult situation. Sometimes, we need to hold our horses. Ms. Dina Loomis reminded us to avoid rush judgements. We must practice putting ourselves in the shoes of the people we deal with. I agree with her. Managers need to be broadminded, see things from afar and make decisions based on facts and figures.

      Fifth, people is the most important asset in every organization. There is no ideal leader but the best leaders are those who are task and relationship-motivated ones. We all differ in attitude and perception. As people managers, we have to see things in a positive manner. We have to remember that any business is built on trust. The way we see others depend on how we see ourselves. We will never be a leader, if we have no followers. So, as I may quote from Kenneth Blanchard, “The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority”. 

     

      The PMAP experience wrapped up the lessons we’ve had in our management subject under the ever humble, energetic and worth emulating professor, Dr. Polaus M. Bari. We are all grateful for we were given the chance to participate in the annual conference of people managers, given the fact that we are still managers in the making. We might not be HR managers, but I believe that as a college professor, I am managing people who might become managers in the future. Management, per se starts within, for if we cannot manage ourselves well, neither can we manage our families and the organization where we belong. I am a lifetime learner. I may not yet be a manager now but then, the adventure still continues. Who knows?

iSkuL bUkoL...

i love ALL my schools..

Mt. Matutum Christian School (MMCS), San Lorenzo Ruiz Academy of Polomolok (SLRAP), Notre Dame of Dadiangas University (NDDU), University of the Immaculate Conception (UIC), Holy Trinity College of General Santos City (HTC-GSC), Iligan Institute of Technology (IIT).. **hats off** to all my mentors!

imagine how many hours in my whole life have i spent in schools? but still, i end up as a T.E.A.C.H.E.R.

it's not a wonder if one day, i'll be putting up my own school..hahaha, who knows?
twelve years in the academe is too short for me to learn exactly HOW to teach. what to teach? it's all written in books and in the internet.


teaching is never easy. teachers can never be perfect, because students (defined as 'experts in the art of studying') aren't perfect either. there's too much pressure in the academe, although schools are not supposed to be pressure cookers (from the film, 3 Idiots) but a TRAINING GROUND. agree? *winks*

Isn't it that learning must be a beautiful experience? must be fun? must be a fruitful discovery?


why do people study? why is a degree so important? 
* to compete (Life is not a race, but a dream to be fulfilled)
* to earn a living (probably, in a way..)

it should be for SELF-EFFICACY!  


if teachers are experts in making the learners understand then students must also be willing to learn. learning is voluntary and a choice! if we claim to be professionals yet our level of understanding is shallow, our mentality is poor, our minds are narrow, our perceptions are limited, our attitudes are so unprofessional, and our life (still) has no direction.. then, let's look back and count the number of hours we spent just to LEARN!


wanna waste it?







(//_^)

vALUe bEYoND aNaLYSiS

Ever bought something so expensive yet found it useless afterwards? Can you name an item in your household that’s been there for a long time yet you find it hard to discard because of its monetary price? In this time of economic crises, it is sad to realize that most of us are becoming impractical by spending too much on things we thought we need.
Value Engineering might sound new to most of us but in fact, it could be applied in our daily lives. This concept was best explained to us by Dr. Jerson N. Orejudos, our professor, by taking a pencil as an example. Normally, a pencil consists of a lead, a wooden barrel, an eraser and a metal band supporting the eraser. The ultimate function of a pencil is to make marks. Supposing, we remove the eraser and then, the metal band can also be removed. That would probably reduce the cost of manufacturing pencils by 20% and so it follows that its price could also be reduced. In this way, customers are now given a choice: to buy a pencil with an eraser in a higher price or to buy a pencil without an eraser in a lower price. After all, pencils are made to make marks and not to erase marks.
Why do cost overruns exist in a construction project? Could it be that it carries unnecessary components? By reducing unnecessary items, unnecessary costs are also reduced or eliminated. An item is classified as unnecessary if without it, the whole system functions the same or even better. Value Engineering requires common sense, creativity, innovation, and teamwork. Its implementation improves a construction project by minimizing the life cycle cost and reducing maintenance and operation costs without compromising safety, quality and the environment. While focusing on the basic functions, good or better substitutes are being considered. The best alternative is the one that costs less and performs better. That is why Value Engineering is applied at the design stage of a construction project. The concept is easy but the implementation is so difficult. Value Analysts oftentimes becomes a third party between the owner and the designer. Well, it depends on how we see it. Perception and attitude always counts.
It’s Christmas season once again. As we wait for Santa’s gifts, let us invite Jesus with us. Remember, it’s Jesus’ birthday not Santa’s! I bet Baby Jesus prefers a simple and humble celebration. Since we have our bonuses and 13th month pays, it’s high time to shop and buy gifts for our love ones. Its main purpose is to make them happy. Why not apply value engineering then? Would our grandparents be happy if we give them PSP’s? Would our children be happy if we buy them a golf set? It’s like feeding a cat with colorful M&M chocolates!
Let us just think of the word: FUNCTION. It will then relate to the user’s needs, to an item’s worth, cost and value. For me, this is value beyond analysis. Anything less than the necessary functional capability is unacceptable. Anything more is unnecessary and wasteful.
We always ask God to give us our daily bread, not our bread for tomorrow and the next days to come. Isn’t it that anything that is too much nor too less unfavorable? I may sound absurd but this is just an idea worth sharing. The choice is always yours... Feliz Navidad!

References:
Value Engineering Mastermind by Anil Kumar
Value Analysis Module I by Juan de Vincente
Prof. Jerson N.Orejudos, Ph.D.

tHe eNd..

each of us represents a star in the sky. sometimes we shine with the rest. sometimes we twinkle alone. sometimes we fall to make somebody's dream come true... 

some things are not meant to last.. just like the butterflies. in as much as they wanted to live longer than they do, their destiny is inevitable.

we all make choices. we make decisions. it feels like a stab in an existing wound to give up something, especially if its a person.. but it would be more painful to continue wooing someone who treats us as 'substandards'. what's more painful is that we don't have the right to be angry coz they don't need us. probably, they have no intention of ignoring us. its just that we don't matter at all.. :(

everything fades. nothing lasts forever. even in the dictionary, the 'end' exists. no questions asked.

i'll try not to miss you. as any disease is better avoided than cured, so does our friendship. i don't wanna enumerate the reasons why but this is for good. i believe this is what you wanted long way back. i felt that but i gave myself the benefit of the doubt. i knew where i stood but i still tried to be a part of your life despite the indirect resistance.

like a star, i am ready to fall just to make your wishes come true. i know you've waited for this.

i'd be hurt..
i dunno how long would it take to heal..
but since nothing lasts forever, this too shall pass..
i'll be okay..
soon!

i hope you'll feel better now..

mE vs mYsELF...

the RIVER:
   
endless..
flowing..
full of life..
full of energy..
     

ME:

weak..
fearful..
helpless..

BUT..

willing to learn and unlearn..


after all, life itself is a risk..
no pain, no gain..
no guts and sacrifice, no glory..

i won..
i conquered.. 
and i felt good! 
 

A PieCE oF P. E. A. C. E.

The talk of Prof. Rudy B. Rodil, Peace in Mindanao: Tri-People Approach, opened my senses to what is really true behind the different versions of the story regarding the conflict in Mindanao. I agree with what he emphasized that “we can always document figures but never the emotions.” and since there is conflict, then peace becomes a dream. Unfortunately, the Spaniards (he labelled as the ‘sabongeros’) left us, Muslims and Christians, fighting. Although we claimed to be free from the said bondage, the fight (sabong) still goes on between us. As he had mentioned, it has started long ago during the Spanish regime and it was carried on to the next generations. I guess many of us are unaware of the past and yet, the feeling of hatred and wrong impression towards the other sect governs our feelings towards each other. Since it takes at least twenty years to change a generation (according to research), the academe indeed plays a big role in educating the younger ones. The husay, sandugo, and kapatiran encompassed the bigger picture of moving towards the attainment of peace and justice. I think it could create a deep impact, if and only if, it is wilfully and genuinely done.

       Mr. Musa Sanguila presented the background, the mission and vision, the people behind, and the different activities of the Pakigdait, Inc., which I believe gave all of us, participants, an idea that peace is now within reach. Their organization is so inspiring that if another group of people would just commit and work together to form a replica of it, justice and peace would be more evident in all areas of Mindanao. The song and the documentations presented has given a ray of hope and for me, I’d say that peace and justice in Mindanao is worth the efforts of all Mindanaoans.

       Prof. Saturnina S. Rodil’s talk on Multi-culturalism: Going Beyond Biases and Prejudices made me pause for a while and do ‘self-evaluation’. True to what she said, human as we are, we tend to notice only the faults and the negative side of all things. Our past experiences often influence our judgements and so if we want changes, we should start changing our perceptions. Due to individual differences, we see things differently. In fact, we become bias and we negatively label those who are different from us. In my own opinion, it’s all in our mind. But since thoughts can be changed anytime, we just simply decide on it.

        Smile is the beginning of peace. I agree. It’s the inner peace that is just being radiated. We cannot give what we do not have. We are the new generation of those yesteryears and so, if we want to create a peaceful Mindanao, then we have to start now. May He bless us all..  

S. I. N. FooL. N. E. S. S.

who doesn't want to be a winner? on top of everyone? oh c'mon, let us not be hypocrites. if we really belong to the human race, then we surely do! 

it was more than once mentioned that everyone is born good. if someone we know becomes bad or even we ourselves become bad, there are reasons why. each of us has a tendency towards sinfulness because of envy. animals as we are, we tend to be 'animalistic' in nature. say in school or in the workplace, we feel bad if our friends fail or stumble but the more we feel bad if they are way ahead of us. right?

we are all selfish. we are all arrogant. we are all boastful. we are all liars. we are all pretenders. we are all traitors. in short, WE ARE ALL BAD. but! but! but! at different levels or depths. we can never control our emotions because it pours both in our conscious and unconscious state. for me, it's not a sin but once it is put into words and actions, it's a different story.  

now, let me confess...

i am selfish. i always want the best. i feel so bad if my share is smaller than others. i'd rather want it fair or equal with the rest, atleast. or much much better if i had more of everything..

i am arrogant. i want to excel. i want others to see me shine. i want everyone to admire me. i want to show them what i know. i want them to listen to every word i say because what i say is always right..

i am boastful. i always have something to say just to level up myself.  i don't feel comfortable with people who assert themselves all the time. galit ako sa kapwa ko mayabang. others are nothing compared to me. i want to be a symbol of excellence..

i am a liar. i want everything to be easier. i want all issues to be ironed. i want to end all stories my way. i take all the chances to prove what is true to me. i don't care what's true. i am the truth..

i am a pretender. i choose what i want others to see. i choose what i want them to hear from me. i want to make a good impression. i am good in covering my flaws. i want to look perfect..

i am a traitor. i do favors if only i get a benefit out of it. i can sacrifice others but never myself. i can wait but only for a short time. when i say yes, i only mean maybe. i have no word of honor..

i am bad, really bad. whether i like it or not, this is my nature! fellow homo sapiens, AREN'T YOU?

WILL I GO TO HELL? of course not! 

because i know what's right and wrong.. because despite the many sinful emotions, words and actions can still be controlled.. because i am aware of my weaknesses and so, i can refresh my soul with a dose of faith.. because i believe in life after death and the glory of being with Him in heaven..

in every moment of our lives, we are to make a choice.. this or that? here or there? stay or leave? yes or no? heaven or hell? to sin or not to sin?

that's life. its a game. sometimes we loose. sometimes we win.if it's a point system, we'll know our score at the end of the finish line. let HIM be the tabulator. let LOVE be the criteria of our scores and let HEAVEN be the reward for the winners..

tO eRR is hUmaN, tO forGivE is unUsuaL.

The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, good example; to your father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity. (A. Balfour)

ayayayayay...i'm too far to be a saint! (mahilangit lang ko, choks na!)

negative thinking and drama are addictive. believe me, it's true. enjoying the drama sometimes could be healthy as it exercises the emotions within us. (so long as we don't end up in jail or in the mental hospital). count me out!

now, think of anybody or somebody you 'unlove' the most. for us, they seemed to be the ugliest, grumpiest, and WTF creature ever! right? now, let's look at ourselves in the mirror. does it look like we need a face lift? a diamond peel? a surgery? or whatever your honor? ahem.. ahem.. ahem..

take note! do those persons whom we are nursing a grudge know that we are thinking about them? do we want them to know how much of our time is devoted to their 'fan club' in our minds? halla!

the only key? ForGivEneSs...(aray!) As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons- desiderata! if we cannot forgive, we are weak for only strong people has the capacity to forgive.

NASAKITAN KAYA JOKEMS! i was hurt. maybe yes, but it was with your consent. right? have we ever thought of the reality that God is always just? it could be that we were hurt but who are we to blame others for things that we've also done? haven't we hurt anyone? how many times have we asked forgiveness to those whom we have offended?

CHUDEZ MAN JUD MALIMTAN! its difficult to forget. maybe yes, but its just a thought. right? and thoughts can be changed.

SEE? it's very simple. for me, i have no right to be resentful because i am an offender myself. if there's a person who made me so angry, i should have understood on the first place. anger could just be a reaction to some unfavorable experience but it should not be a pathway towards ill will and condemnation. its a sin!

there is no benefit in holding a 'burning coal' in our own sinful hands, not a bit! come to think of it. call it quits right now. its the only way and the best way to take revenge to those whom we called 'enemies'.

so i say to those whom i have offended, to those who have my 'fan club' in their minds, and to those who see me as ugly, grumpy, and WTF animal : take a complete revenge on me. NOW NA!

dEviLishLy NecESsarY...

HOPELESS? feels as if you are atlas carrying the world on your shoulders? hmmm...why, who told you to? whatever battle we're into, the bottleneck is always between pursuing or stopping. be it small or big, is it worth the sacrifice? what's the use of holding on for a long time if we just drop everything?

if you've been through this, welcome to the human race. nevertheless, history is only a footnote to help us avoid making the same mistake again. we all learn from the past and it's finite. we should not dwell on it.

always look forward. the future is infinite and we can still do something about it. think positively and believe in yourself. affirm! affirm! affirm! affirmation can still the voice of fear because we can only think of one thing at a time. leave no space for negative thoughts.

turning our backs against any 'hill of trials' is a sign of defeat. we don't want to be a looser. we are all champions since the fetal stage. we should not forgo the gift of life that God gave us.

aren't we God's angels? created with love, pampered with graces and blessings, and assured winners in this game of life.

take a look at the devil. even though they are doomed to fall, they never give up.

if we believe we are destined towards heaven, why give up? as long as our intentions are good, i bet we'll get through any war smoothly and win the battle with victory..

AJA!

iF tOmoRrow nEveR cOmes…

Tomorrow is just an illusion. Life is indeed so full of mysteries.. Often times, I feel so incomplete. I thirst. I long for something I do not know. It’s hard to explain. I am always caught up in a road to nowhere. I think God intentionally made me feel this way as a reminder that I need Him. Yes, I do. I really do.
I know He is a good god. With Him, tomorrow becomes a reality. His guidance makes my journey smooth sailing. The future will end by the time I reach the finish line. It’s so weird. I believe there’s a reason for my existence. I have a purpose, a mission to accomplish..
Whatever it may be, it’s the reason why I still wake up alive and breathing each day…to discover the missing piece of the puzzle that would make my life complete..

the day that i'll die?! (posted a year ago : April 26, 2009)

_when I was still in high school, I've been dreaming the same dream...and that same dream repeated more than three times already until college...in that dream, I was inside a coffin and in the wake, it was clearly written:

BORN: August 6, 1974

DIED : April 27, _______

_quite hard to explain and it tests my faith in Him...may Your will be done Oh God! So, to make this date meaningful, I made this day a start of a new life and as practiced, I list all my blessings and I do "self inventory"...this is also the day my mother and my husband fear so much...more than I do! But of course, ako din, for my three kids...and probably, this day is one of the days that my family prays so hard :)

...mysterious for me, but I believe that that dream has a purpose...maybe to remind me that I am not immortal; ...to tell me that I have to live life to the fullest; ...to cherish all things, people, places and experiences that I encounter; and to trust God in all things...i was never perfect and i will never be but i know His compassion and mercy will spare me from an "unhappy ending"...

...but i wish...not now, not yet...

i Am nOt a cOmfOrT wOmaN (a repost)

One evening, I was inside the comfort room when my youngest daughter, Yzabelle, peeped inside and shouted “wow!” That is always her expression whenever she changes clothes, sees food on the table, sees her favorite cartoon characters, receives ‘pasalubong’ from anyone, sees her ‘kuya’ and ‘ate’ dance or hear them sing. This time, I was surprised. My baby appreciated my efforts! But, why do I love to clean comfort rooms? Even when I was still young, one of my favorite household chores is to clean our CR and I accepted that responsibility even when I was in college, in our dorm with three of my friends in the room. Maybe because, no one can clean the comfort room like I do. Let me share why…

I have noticed that most people don’t want that task. Of course! Come to think of it…Eeeeeeew! But why not me? Count me out! It is indeed so tiring and stressful to brush, to wipe, to wash, to touch, to scrape, to squeeze, to push hard, to pull, to bend, to kneel, to reach further, to crawl, and to see myself in the mirror with damped hair covering my sweaty face. Oftentimes, all of us want our services to be always compensated. Who doesn’t want to be rewarded? Who doesn’t want to be appreciated? Who doesn’t want to be noticed? Who doesn’t want to be given importance? We don’t want to sound hypocrite and simply say, “It’s okay!”

When I decided to teach, everybody were asking, “Why? You’re a licensed Civil Engineer! Sayang ka…” Others would say, “Mas okay na din kasi mahirap sa construction…mainit, nakakapagod, baka hindi mo makaya…” Honestly, I also didn’t know why… Twelve years in the academe was not a joke. That was my life…my career…my vocation! I don’t know if how much have I contributed to the community and how I influenced the lives of my students. There were times I was so enthusiastic, well-motivated, inspired, full of energy, oozing with confidence but there were also times I felt tired, felt lazy, depressed, stressed, felt bored, discouraged, abused, and frustrated. Mathematics was always the least-liked subject of most students and so, the teacher becomes the culprit of the failing grades…Teaching mathematics was always a challenge but even more to it, was how to teach students love the subject. Its like feeding someone with no appetite! One time, I was riding a tricycle at the back seat while listening to the conversation of the two students in the front seat talking about their teacher in Calculus and the difficulty of the subject. Inside my mind I said, “Luoya sa teacher oi…” When they went down the tricycle…OMG! Was it me the teacher they were talking about? They were my students and may I say, my favorite students? Sad to realize (reality bites!), they have the opposite feeling towards me and the subject.. There’s a turmoil in my mind… What’s wrong? What have I done? Is it my fault? Am I a failure? What will I do? My mind went blank…

I was in the mall one “pay day” to buy necessities for the house and for the whole family…I have a list of the needed grocery items (some crashed, those less important!) and I was determined to be really practical in buying. I was in the lane of toothpastes comparing the prizes, when I noticed a familiar face. I was busy with my calculator computing to see what brand has a lesser price and so, I wasn’t able to say “hi! (long time, no see…)” to that person. When I was waiting in the counter, I was looking at the grocery items the woman in front of me purchased… In my mind I said, “Wow! pringles, imported corned beef, sensodyne toothpaste, Baygon insecticide, and many more… ang mamahal nito! inggit ako, ang dami niyang pera!” Defending myself, I thought, mas practical lang ako no! Then, when the woman paid the cashier, she looked back and I was surprised again. Finally, I was able to say “Hi!” and then, silence…no reaction? I had mixed emotions that time… “Isn’t she the woman who borrowed P10,000 from me a year ago and promised to pay me with interest?” OMG! I shed tears loosing that big amount to that woman and now, she couldn’t even recognize me? I looked at the grocery items in my grocery cart, tsk! tsk! tsk! My senses switched off…

I hate seeing anybody banging the door. For me, it indicates that the person wants trouble. Though forgiven (not yet forgotten), I can still name the persons who did that to me several times. I hate to recall but one time, I remember one of the relatives of my family telling me, “pabayaan mo na, bunso kasi yan kaya suplada…” OMG! really? How about me? I’m the eldest and the youngest child in the family, I’m an only child! Does that also mean that it’s acceptable for me to be more suplada? I can’t believe it. I was speechless…

And now, going back to the start of the story…After cleaning the CR, I went out, wiped my hands dry and carried Yzabelle and kissed her on the cheeks. Then, as I looked at our housekeeper lying on the sofa, teary-eyed while watching “May Bukas Pa”, I smiled and said to myself…Life is a matter of perspective; its how we see things!

Many times, we feel so small and degraded by some people around us…its like cleaning the comfort rooms (not with their toothbrush, no! no! no!). So be it! If that would boost their confidence, make them feel superior, or simply make them feel comfortable, why not? Easier said than done! Yes, but its only in the beginning…So what if I am not the best teacher? So what if some people loves to make broken promises? So what if I choose not to be a ‘sosy’ spoiled brat (may K kaya ako noh!)? So what if I’m the one doing the job of the person I am paying? Let it be my choice then…

I am a College Professor, a licensed Civil Engineer, a graduate of Master’s Degree in Engineering, but my palms are rough not because of the chalk but because of the ‘cleaning detergents’… Nevertheless, that doesn’t make me less a person but rather, it lets me cherish deeply the very few people who makes me feel comfortable by “cleaning the comfort room” for me with their time, friendship, kindness, appreciation and unconditional love

what kind of fool am i?

why do i spend time doing unnecessary things?
why do i keep on planning without implementing?
how many promises have I made but left unfulfilled and broken?
why do i keep on crying over things i can never change?
how much time have i spent thinking of people who doesn't remember me at all?
why do i still keep on giving even if it hurts?
why do i love those people who don't even care?
why do i keep on waiting?
what am i expecting?

WHY?
Can you please tell me...

kELaN?

ooops! there you go again... d'ya think i can't live without you? you were once an inspiration but now you become a distraction. kung bakit kasi nasanay akong lagi kang nandyan. is this what you really wanted? life is tedious without you. nakakapagod magpaypay. you made me feel so empty. it feels like i can't breath without you. i thought i was the one who is unpredictable. how come now its you? i thought you'd stay. this is a real bad surprise for me. you have all the means to explain your silence but you did not. alam mo namang takot ako sa dilim. why are you doing all these to me?

i tried to reach out to you but your silence was deafening. medyo naiinsulto na ako sa ginagawa mo ha. okay, fine! it's now clear and everything's well taken. don't worry, i'll survive living this life without you. though i find it hard to accept that you're gone, i'll do my best to move on. i feel so empty without you around. what's even worse, i don't know when will you be back. or babalik ka pa ba?

kELaN? aNonG oRaS?

dO i kNoW yOu ?

i received a text message just this morning...

isa lang ang tumatakbo sa utak ko.. and kapal ng mukha mo! it was December 2006 when my cousin, Johannah, left our house and that ended my generosity, by choice.

i started working as a college professor in the year 1997 and that was also the time when i started sending my cousins to school. i could have felt more guilty if i did not for i was an advocate for education.

Rommel was the first in line. He enrolled at NDDU-MTTP as a machinist for one year but after he graduated, he got married.

Next, is Rona. She was with me since first year high school until college. She took up HRM at GSCIT but during her second year in college, i decided to send her back home to Negros Occidental because of attitudinal problems. Sad to say, Rona got pregnant twice and married a 'whatever' after having two kids.

Next, is Frenie. I had to help her become a working student at NDDU for us to survive financially. I already had two children by that time na parehong nagadede. On the last semester before graduation, she got pregnant but eventually, she really did finish her course, Computer Science, and settled down.

i had a few heart aches and resentments and the sacrifices i made were not that rewarding but still i said, one more time! it still feels good to help..

here comes johannah.. among the others, she was the worst. she haven't passed the exams for working students at NDDU but still i enrolled her. she took up Food Technology and her course was quite expensive because of so many baking and cooking sessions. She was supposed to graduate by March 2007 but by December 2006, she asked permission to go to Manila to visit her mother na namamasukan as katulong. i told her to wait for summer na lang. i needed her to stay because i'm giving birth to my third baby by January. we had no extra money and better yet, if they'll just save her fare for her sister's tuition fee. later, her mother called me up explaining why i should allow her daughter to have a grand vacation with her. i begged and made a bargain but she didn't give in. i was just shocked when she told my mother na inaalila daw namin ang anak niya. bakit kelangan pa nya akong siraan sa nanay ko? my mother knew me at siyempre, my parents knew the truth. to cut the story short, nag-away ang mga parents namin. and so, johannah left without saying a word. punyeta! kung hindi lang ako buntis that time, pupuntahan ko sila para pagsampalsampalin! yun ba ang kapalit sa lahat ng mga sakripisyo ko? it was very painful on my part kasi i carried a cross that's not mine but in the end, ako pa ang masama. natauhan ako at yun ang pinakamagandang ginawa ng pinsan ko. i realized that after all, i cannot dream dreams for other people. ang tanga ko talaga, ako at ang parents ko. we could have lived a better life and invest on other things.

walang hiya silang lahat! eldest ang mother ko among five siblings and ever since my world began, my parents are financially supporting them na. kahit nga yung para sa akin siguro napupunta pa sa kanila. may mga apo na ang parents ko pero parang mga linta pa rin sila. kung makahingi ng pera akala mo ay may pinatago sila. puchaks naman!

hayun at namatay na lang ang tatay ko. may naitulong ba sila sa amin? i've been to Negros several times and i have seen their lifestyle. super tamad! they end their days without doing anything. hinding hindi na ako babalik doon. to hell with you!

going back to the text message. my cousin, Johannah, is asking for her transcript of records from NDDU kasi mag-aapply daw siya sa MOA. kapalmuks jud.. haler! may utang pa siyang 6000+ sa school noh! when she left three years ago, dropped lahat ng subjects niya and i have just paid 5000 for enrollment na niloan ko pa sa paluwagan that time.

imagine? when i remember those times na nagkagulo ang pamilya namin, i become a monster. and that was the time when i said, "dili na jud ko mousab!" its time for me to paddle my own canoe..

and my reply to johannah's text message was : do i know you?

no big mystery, just fAcT...

most of the time, i plan things. i am not an avid fan of serendipity coz i usually tell myself to always prepare ahead. i haven't won a lucky sperm contest and came into this world as a bonggaciously endowed trust-fund baby. char! in fact, i was born with a rusty spoon..ngek! i always wanted my life to be organized and predictable. in short, i haven't played with fire, hahaha.. how i envy those individuals who seemed to be obviously free from such bondage. i am afraid of failures but it doesn't mean i haven't experienced them. i have been through the ups and downs of the journey. three and a half decades of living and dying many times made me rich in experience and unforgettable lessons too.

i am like any fruit that haven't ripen yet. i am still learning the 'hows and whys' despite my age. i am a student of life and will always be. i fear rejection and i need acceptance. that's why i value dearly those who made me feel special. the world is not always logical and so i am forced to deal with what is, not just what should be.. this is reality for me, not a mystery but a fact.

ThERe’S ALwAYz A FiRSt timE…

YEAR 2009...

October 2 – It was raining when I left Iligan City. As I sat in the terminal waiting for MV San Paolo of Negros Navigation Corp., I feel so uncomfortable watching the other passengers murmuring and complaining impatiently because the vessel arrived 6 hours delayed because of typhoon Ondoy.

The trip was quite boring because I don’t speak and understand Maranao but the mixed feeling of fear and excitement governed. I choose not to think of the negative side. It’s just like I’m listening to a song I’ve never heard and I don’t care…

I didn’t even listen to Popsy’s suggestion to cancel and reschedule my trip. He was more nervous than me. I was warned because typhoon Pepeng is coming but I pursued my plans. I was so obedient since birth until that time..*sorry popsy*

I have a few missions to accomplish in Cebu: my transaction with the DPWH and Kajima Corporation at 1pm on October 5 regarding my Term Paper (Segment 3B-2, SUBWAY Section), to visit, attend mass, and light a candle at the Sto. Nino Shrine, and of course! to take a break from the humdrums of my life in school.

October 3 - My first night in Cebu was memorable. I was welcomed by the CE reviewees with a barbecue, kilawin and empecascent, hahaha! (in fairness, di ako unang natulog ha..) The dinner was so delightful, enough for me to forget the discomforts I encountered in the loooooong 21-hour snail-like trip. We slept at 3 am…ZZZzzzz…*hay, maulit pa kaya yun? How I wish…*

October 4 – I had a beauty rest and a chitchat with the CE reviewees. We attended an afternoon mass at the Sto. Nino Shrine and had a dinner at Wow Chicken *mapapaWow ka talaga dun !*

October 5 – I got lost on my way to the DPWH…pakshet! I thought the office is at Pier 3 but they had transferred na pala…thanks to Engr. Evelyn Mansueto for guiding me. Finally, I was able to find Crown Asia Bldg. which was located at the back of Cokaliong Towers..

Ang swerte nga naman o, that day was the birthday of Engr. Nilo Pamaylaon, the DPWH Director…well, food trip syempre! mmm…

I was then accompanied by Engr. Raul Lucero to Kajima Corporation for a brief orientation regarding the construction project and there I met the young and energetic Engr. Paolo Cruz..

The Cebu Subway is one of kind. I was brought to the site by Sir Raul and Sir Paolo with a comfy ride in a Toyota Innova. It was so hot that afternoon but I enjoyed walking under the sun while observing the ongoing construction. I climbed the steep stairs and walked my way through the horizontal beams…I just loved it! That day was so fulfilling. (as if I could go home na anytime!)

October 6 – I went to the the Ayala Center and SM City. I watched the movie “In My Life”. Pastilan! I was shocked how Luis died…but truly, the movie was great. We had dinner at Jo’s Manokan in Lahug and then afterwards, we strolled at the IT Park..(sayang lang kasi di namin dala yung digicam)

October 7 – I went back to SM City, bought a book at the National Bookstore and a pillowcase for my hotdog pillow…

October 8 – its parting time…my scheduled departure is 12:30 am the next day and to maximize my stay, we strolled at SM and then, we watched movie “G-Force” *Gina Force* till 11.30 pm..

@ midnight, we were already at the pier but then, MV San Paolo hasn’t arrived yet.. so, we went to a 24-hours Jollibee fast food and stayed there till 2:30 am…wew! Salamat sa nagtiyagang ihatid at samahan ako till the last minute *HATS OFF..*

October 9 – MV San Paolo finally arrived at 4:30 am... (sailing…I’m sailing home…With Christ in my vessel, I can sail at the storm…)

We arrived in Iligan City at 6pm.. there was a bad news! May namatay daw na pasahero and we all need to be quarantined…my goodness! (dumating pa talaga ang P ko…)

After an hour, it was discovered that the passenger died from heart attack..at yun, pinababa kami ng barko…(si Lord talaga mapagbiro…)

My sojourn in Cebu is through and my mission is accomplished. To God be the glory!

When I was about to sleep that night, I was wondering if may naiwan ako sa Cebu.

Meron nga ba? Hhhhmmm, meron nga…pero sa akin na lang yun, hahaha.. *the rest is history*

There’s always a first time! I am not used to do everything that I want. My decisions are usually anchored on so many things. In my desire to be at peace with anyone, I always give in even if I need to do sacrifices. But now, I’ve changed…and I felt better! This is my life and I will live it in a way I want. My trip to Cebu has a few secret agenda. I know I made the right decision and I promise to myself, there will be a second time…