NoW ThaT i Am niNeTEeN, ay esTe! THirTY-sEvEn...

there are so many things I want to change.. or shall I say, I NEED to..
(seriously and not so seriously)

I'll do my best

to increase :
- my patience, as in!
- my perseverance, of course!
- my understanding, syempre!
- my alertness, as needed!
- my determination, always!
- my height, sometimes! (by wearing shoes with heels)
- my knowledge, everyday!
- my persistence, often!
- my creativity, nothing less!

to improve :
- my listening ability, so needed!
- my time management, to the highest degree!
- my study habits, more than often!
- my posture, as always!
- my speech ability, ASAP!
- my memory, very soon!

to control :
- the velocity of my temper
- the budget of my diet (budgetarian)
- the hours of my sleep
- the amplitude of my big mouth
- the seepage of my emotions

to reduce :
- my OA-ness, as the situtation demands!
- my number of meals, tomorrow!
- my waistline, ongoing!
- my weight, on the process!
- my sensitivity, practicing as of the moment!

and to :
- speak only kind words about others, or never speak at all..
- do what I ought to do, or never wake up at all..
- stick to what I wrote here, or throw this laptop at once..(di pwede!)


and ALL OF THESE, i can not actually promise.. but one thing for sure, I'll still be myself - transparent but true, sensitive but understanding, impatient but soft-spoken, less confident but self-motivated, low tech but teachable, less dynamic but productive, simple but elegant, char! ahhh basta, not the perfect one!





(//_^)

ThERe iS No REaLiTY...

ONLY PERCEPTION!

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. - William Shakespeare


Whatever meaning or value a particular circumstance or any object has for us will be the meaning or value that we give in it. To appreciate how this law works, we need to understand the difference between sensation and perception. When light waves are received by our eyes, or sound waves by our ears, that is sensation: the phenomenon of stimuli being received  by our sense organs. Perception, on the other hand, is our organizing and interpreting of those sensations. Perception is the level at which we assign meaning to the sensations we receive from the world.

Making faulty initial assumptions about someone or something can lead us down the wrong path and many of these populate our mental institutions. Our common mistake is that we fail to test our assumptions before we begin to treat them as true.

We have to do what it takes to see that our perceptions are grounded in fact. Our perceptions should develop not just from our view of the world, but from our testing and verification of that view. The freshness of our perspective can make us see a new world, and a new self.

We are dynamic organisms. With every experience, we are changing. If we only use our experiences properly, we can improve.

There is no reality; only perception. Let our perceptions be fresh, new and grounded in fact, not in history!

Thus,
nothing is difficult; unless we think it is..
no one is bad; unless we think one is..
nobody is ugly; unless we think somebody is..
we are all special; unless we think we're not..




(//_^)

a MeSsAGe FroM a RaiNBoW..

 HOPEFULNESS...

many times, I feel so down..
not by choice but by circumstances..

    - unfinished school requirements..
    - misunderstandings..
    - miscommunications..
    - frustrations..
    - self pity..
    - heartaches..
    - loneliness..

BUT...
 
like God's promise, a rainbow is sure to come after every storm..

and that is the time when I realize why everything happened.. that was just part of the exercise which my heart needs..

experiences that sometimes tap me on the shoulder, for me to look back and see that I do belong to the human race..

who stumble and fall.. yet, always ready to stand and move on..


 Jesus didn't merely died for us. He lived His life for us. Let us not just hold on to Him but let Him hold us as well..





(//_^)

kEy oF G...

go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence.

always finish what you have started. do things one at a time. turn off your cellphones. unplug your laptop. focus!

as far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

make friends with anyone but do not trust them. just love them.

speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

be articulate when you speak for them to listen with interest. choose words that heal, not those that kill. listen and ponder for you to learn.

avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit.

avoid negative thinkers and chronic complainers. they radiate negative energies.

if you compare yourself with others, you may become bitter or vain, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

be what you are. walk your own road in your own way. no one ever beats a good man.

enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

prepare for the future. invest wisely. reward yourself.

keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

count your blessings. be thankful.

exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.

professional jealousy is unhealthy.

to be continued...

it's the melody that lingers..

it's the tune that keeps me yearning for more..

_this is my key, key of G!_





(//_^)

QuaRTeR oF a DoZeN...

Appreciate what you ALREADY have before asking for anything else..

Count your blessings. Recount if necessary!

2010 now belongs to the history. 2011 is still a mystery.

After 3.6 decades of living, I now only ask for three things: FAITH, HOPE, and LOVE..



FAITH - an unquestioning belief in God. I need this to keep holding on. Faith in Him and faith in myself. What I think about is what I bring about.

HOPE -  a reason for keeping faith within. Hopefulness is a powerful state of mind. I need this to plan ahead, self-motivate, and shoot for the moon.

 
LOVE - the essence of living. I need this to be inspired and energized. I must live and love. Despite and in spite of anything, I must love. It has been proven that Love conquers all! Who am I to question?


2011: I choose not to prepare the thirteen round fruits for the media noche. I do not need tangible things to express my three solemn wishes for the year. We have fruits in the table to enjoy and eat all that we can. 

God has been so good and He will always be. To Him be the glory!





(//_^) 

mE vs mYsELF...

the RIVER:
   
endless..
flowing..
full of life..
full of energy..
     

ME:

weak..
fearful..
helpless..

BUT..

willing to learn and unlearn..


after all, life itself is a risk..
no pain, no gain..
no guts and sacrifice, no glory..

i won..
i conquered.. 
and i felt good! 
 

S. I. N. FooL. N. E. S. S.

who doesn't want to be a winner? on top of everyone? oh c'mon, let us not be hypocrites. if we really belong to the human race, then we surely do! 

it was more than once mentioned that everyone is born good. if someone we know becomes bad or even we ourselves become bad, there are reasons why. each of us has a tendency towards sinfulness because of envy. animals as we are, we tend to be 'animalistic' in nature. say in school or in the workplace, we feel bad if our friends fail or stumble but the more we feel bad if they are way ahead of us. right?

we are all selfish. we are all arrogant. we are all boastful. we are all liars. we are all pretenders. we are all traitors. in short, WE ARE ALL BAD. but! but! but! at different levels or depths. we can never control our emotions because it pours both in our conscious and unconscious state. for me, it's not a sin but once it is put into words and actions, it's a different story.  

now, let me confess...

i am selfish. i always want the best. i feel so bad if my share is smaller than others. i'd rather want it fair or equal with the rest, atleast. or much much better if i had more of everything..

i am arrogant. i want to excel. i want others to see me shine. i want everyone to admire me. i want to show them what i know. i want them to listen to every word i say because what i say is always right..

i am boastful. i always have something to say just to level up myself.  i don't feel comfortable with people who assert themselves all the time. galit ako sa kapwa ko mayabang. others are nothing compared to me. i want to be a symbol of excellence..

i am a liar. i want everything to be easier. i want all issues to be ironed. i want to end all stories my way. i take all the chances to prove what is true to me. i don't care what's true. i am the truth..

i am a pretender. i choose what i want others to see. i choose what i want them to hear from me. i want to make a good impression. i am good in covering my flaws. i want to look perfect..

i am a traitor. i do favors if only i get a benefit out of it. i can sacrifice others but never myself. i can wait but only for a short time. when i say yes, i only mean maybe. i have no word of honor..

i am bad, really bad. whether i like it or not, this is my nature! fellow homo sapiens, AREN'T YOU?

WILL I GO TO HELL? of course not! 

because i know what's right and wrong.. because despite the many sinful emotions, words and actions can still be controlled.. because i am aware of my weaknesses and so, i can refresh my soul with a dose of faith.. because i believe in life after death and the glory of being with Him in heaven..

in every moment of our lives, we are to make a choice.. this or that? here or there? stay or leave? yes or no? heaven or hell? to sin or not to sin?

that's life. its a game. sometimes we loose. sometimes we win.if it's a point system, we'll know our score at the end of the finish line. let HIM be the tabulator. let LOVE be the criteria of our scores and let HEAVEN be the reward for the winners..

tO eRR is hUmaN, tO forGivE is unUsuaL.

The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, good example; to your father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity. (A. Balfour)

ayayayayay...i'm too far to be a saint! (mahilangit lang ko, choks na!)

negative thinking and drama are addictive. believe me, it's true. enjoying the drama sometimes could be healthy as it exercises the emotions within us. (so long as we don't end up in jail or in the mental hospital). count me out!

now, think of anybody or somebody you 'unlove' the most. for us, they seemed to be the ugliest, grumpiest, and WTF creature ever! right? now, let's look at ourselves in the mirror. does it look like we need a face lift? a diamond peel? a surgery? or whatever your honor? ahem.. ahem.. ahem..

take note! do those persons whom we are nursing a grudge know that we are thinking about them? do we want them to know how much of our time is devoted to their 'fan club' in our minds? halla!

the only key? ForGivEneSs...(aray!) As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons- desiderata! if we cannot forgive, we are weak for only strong people has the capacity to forgive.

NASAKITAN KAYA JOKEMS! i was hurt. maybe yes, but it was with your consent. right? have we ever thought of the reality that God is always just? it could be that we were hurt but who are we to blame others for things that we've also done? haven't we hurt anyone? how many times have we asked forgiveness to those whom we have offended?

CHUDEZ MAN JUD MALIMTAN! its difficult to forget. maybe yes, but its just a thought. right? and thoughts can be changed.

SEE? it's very simple. for me, i have no right to be resentful because i am an offender myself. if there's a person who made me so angry, i should have understood on the first place. anger could just be a reaction to some unfavorable experience but it should not be a pathway towards ill will and condemnation. its a sin!

there is no benefit in holding a 'burning coal' in our own sinful hands, not a bit! come to think of it. call it quits right now. its the only way and the best way to take revenge to those whom we called 'enemies'.

so i say to those whom i have offended, to those who have my 'fan club' in their minds, and to those who see me as ugly, grumpy, and WTF animal : take a complete revenge on me. NOW NA!

tO hEavEN wiTh LoVE...

papang.. popsy.. the first man in my life..

how i missed you! a short gaze at your picture makes me cry. i miss your laughter and your voice when you sing.

i fixed the keyboard's adaptor and it's okay now. i hope you heard me sing and play your favorite songs - moonriver, ikaw, i'll always love you, and song for anna. i thought i forgot the musical pieces we once played but my fingers still ran through the keys smoothly. i still play the guitar but it hurts my fingers already.

i'm wondering what keeps you busy up there now. i know the heavenly bodies are taking care of you and you're not in pain anymore. we're happy for you at least. i know you missed us too, especially momsy. do not worry. we'll take care of her.

i miss the way you call me 'pangga' and i missed the way you loved and took care of me. i missed your menu in the kitchen too. its only your cigarette that i don't miss. i still read a lot of books and you know, i always find time to sing now and i often get a score of 100. you're right. i really have a nice voice, hehehe.

though you've changed residence, i could still feel your presence. please continue to watch over us. we still have a lot of polishings to undergo. the world is a little bit sick now and there are lots of calamities anywhere. see? you are luckier. i didn't mean we wanna follow you soon ha. HE's in charge of everything and let His will be done.

see you in my dreams papang. enjoy recalling the good memories with us. we love you so much and we always will.

your one and only,
palanggingging


PS. i seldom drink coffee now but ice cream is still my favorite...

tHe wiNnEr tAkEs iT aLL...

its a fact that winners in this game of life know the rules, have a plan and their efficiency is comparatively exponential to those who don't. as of the moment, i'm having a fistfight with my very self. i sense problems around me, big and small... and it explains those sleepless nights and those rumbling stomach that i often experience (not because i'm hungry huh). this is life! and i feel it...i just don't wanna exist with a goal of just getting from one day to the next. i want to live and taste the rewards of the game. the world around me is like an unguided missile with more speed than control and i must deal with it. i don't want to be just a statistic. i want to be a part of the history.

perhaps, i arrived at the crossroads of my journey and i don't need a vote to prove that. i am beating my head against the wall contemplating on the many lapses i had but i know its not yet too late. life must not be a trial and error anymore or else, i'll be wasting so much time. i paid attention to the many things around me and i now belong to the 'informed minority'. i am now aware and this will be a new beginning. many times in my life, i had good chances to shut up and listen but it was during those times when i learned a lot. i've realized that the hardest part in learning something new is unlearning the old way of doing it. knowledge is power and i don't want to be an idiot with fancy degrees. since life is a journey, i must have a map, a timetable and a plan. wish me luck!

victory can be snatched from any disaster but it requires extra effort. i'll always pray to God but i must also row for the shore. not every day is a great day but as long as i live, i'll strive to be a winner just as i was born.



**this is just all about attitude**

a second chance...

..we all make mistakes…in fact, if i had a peso for every mistake I’ve made in my life, I’d be able to single-handedly pay off the country’s debt!

I knew that nobody’s perfect but knowing that fact is not as significant as accepting and forgiving ourselves. I owe this positive outlook to those friends who thought that I was a good egg even though they know that I was slightly cracked… God has been so really good to me. He healed my broken heart after I gave Him all the pieces and even if its quite late, so it seems, I have gone out of my shell, see the beautiful world around me, and reach out to others…I was always a late bloomer!
We all deserve a second chance… At a certain point in my life, I have never felt so lonely until I realized that I’m missing a lot of things. I’ve eaten all the food laid on my ‘table of life’ but I haven’t savored the taste of each menu. But…how could I be lonely with the exploding population around me? Ahhh…it must have been the ‘path’ I have chosen…I believe I’ve chosen a good path but maybe, I was half asleep during the trip.

Midlife Crisis? Could be…but I have to move on. God gives burdens, and also shoulders…I used to look for a towel or a handkerchief, beat my bed, or scream until tears flow like waterfalls, hehe!, every time I feel bad… but this was long before I realized that I am not alone in this awfully wide world…

All we need is TO GIVE WHAT WE WANT…respect, friendship, happiness, thoughtfulness, time and love…unconditionally!!! Let us not be lousy…we have to live life to the ‘foolest’, take risks and soar higher… and we’ll soon find out that we can do more, do better and be the best that we can be!

Happiness is indeed a choice!

new year : new ME!

2010 marks the beginning of a new life for me. whatever comes next, let it be according to His will. the life traveled by a three and a half decade - young woman like me needs a change of gear.

before i close the previous chapters in my life, let me unfold some of the pages slowly and share what is bound to be shared. . . and as i continue to travel, i want to experience LIFE with you.

the best is yet to come. i don't have the power to make everything perfect but i will grab all the chances to make things right.

_ging